Before you continue, I must warn you that THIS IS JUST A BUNCH OF PHONY CRAP!!! As far as I know, none of this stuff had ever happened!
Now read on…

o Zelda once caught Link with his pants down (literally!), and asked him to put his Fierce Deity mask on. She found Link to be SUPER-buff, and months later they ended up expecting Link Junior. Guess what happened? *shifty eyes*

o After maybe 20 years, Mario still carries that hammer around (…y’know, the one that showed up in Super Smash Bros.? It actually came from the original Donkey Kong game). Mario therefore claims to have been the creator of the phrase “Hammertime,” and demands that Nintendo file a lawsuit against MC Hammer for copyright violation. Guess the stars and ‘shrooms made him a bit cranky.

o Speaking of which, it turns out that Mario starts hitting on Peach and Daisy whenever he uses those green mushrooms (The words ‘Viagra substitute’ spring to mind), and Bowser must’ve laced those stars with steroids and those Fire-flowers might’ve been infused with hash… so I guess Mario won’t qualify for the Olympics anytime soon.

o Has anyone noticed when Sonic actually WEARS a ring, he wears it on his RIGHT hand?

o Knuckles and Tails then realized it’s ironic that EVERYONE in their games are drawn with hands and fingers, and get away with being called certain animals, when their real versions don’t look anywhere close to them. Not even the same *bleep*-ing COLOR!

o In their spare time, The Wario Brothers are pimps. Really, why else would Waluigi be wearing PURPLE all the time? Plus, Wario always gets the cool hats. Seriously, starting from when he had his first solo game. (Super Mario Land III: Wario Land… Check it out!)

o The Pokémon characters have become a bunch of sexist perverts. According to the show, one of the gym leaders, Brock, has a crush on every single girl he meets; Many of the trainers (and the Pokémon) in the game have only NOW taken gender into account, with the exception of Nidoran, who actually had a headstart… oh yeah, and the Pokémon themselves have a ‘Charm’ and a ‘Flash’ attack. Uh–HEM. *clears throat* No need to continue on the subject… >_>

o Samus is actually a sex-robot inside that suit of armor. One guy met her in a bar, and she instantly admitted to being “Turned On”. (Alright, sorry for the bad pun. Apologies especially to Samus, who is by all means sexier than the aliens will ever be.)

o After a night of sleeping with some random guy, Samus went to the doctor and found she had a “bad case of the Metroids”.

o The Ice Climbers are actually naked under those coats. That’s why no one’s ever seen them take the jackets off, not even indoors.

o Ness had been mistaken for a Powerpuff Girls character on account of his amazingly large head.

o Megaman once auditioned for “The Six-Million-Dollar Man,” but got rejected because of his bad sense of fashion.

o Roll (Megaman’s sister) once flirted with Bass. The pickup line she used was: “Need to plug in your male? I bet I’ve got the right female for you!”

o Meanwhile, his brother Protoman took the game “Crisis Zone” a little too seriously… He accidentally destroyed a game console at the local arcade. (If you missed the joke, here’s a hint: Double-check the design of Protoman’s shield, and refer it to the ‘shields’ used in the Crisis Zone game…)

o Likewise for their buddy Zero, as he was playing a Star Wars Lightsabre game. All the nerds followed him around afterward, asking if he was really a Jedi master.

o On a third case of assault on a game console, Dante (from Devil May Cry) absolutely DEMOLISHED all the local “Vampire Night” and “House of the Dead” games.

o Pit, the cherub from the old game “Kid Icarus,” got sued by Cupid for stealing his job.

o The characters from the Guitar Hero games really practiced in their bedrooms… in less than their underwear!

o The dog from the old Nintendo game “Duck Hunt” admits getting fixed, and later, impersonating McGruff.

o Poking fun at the sports games, EVERY SINGLE PLAYER IN EVERY SINGLE SPORT GOT PUNK’D!!! Really! By a VG version of Ashton Kutcher! Don’t believe me? YOU ask him, then!

o Microsoft, the company responsible for the Xbox phenomena, has created virtual holograms of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee… and they’re standing RIGHT BEHIND YOU! AAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!! (lol)

Now, some of you may ask, how do I know all of this? “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!” ^_^