Hi Lopa,
Sweetie, this is something that everyone us telling us, but you see? There is no secret receipe for this kind of things and we have to realize that friends and attention may be the answer. Today, we are all so busy and preoccupied with our lifestyles, that we don't have time to make calls and see where our friends are, if they need anything, if everything is ok...and so forth. In 2006 i almost fell off the cliff when the depression almost got me: quit my job, got proffesional help and was ready to kill myself. Now, i am fighting this day by day and it is like an addiction: taking it step by step is easier for us. Honestly, i think depression has a lot to do with personalities and our internal power to overcome obsticles in life. We all have our limits and it is enough just one call or like it happened to me, just one phone message, to get me back to the original pain. :( But i know how to fight it, coz i did it so many times, my friends sometimes, give up fighting and this is what is killing me...

Addi...Believe me i found a secret recipe for making myself happy and that is i always try to control my anger..and try to make others happy....by making others happy i feel happiness inside me.....if you are alone find out someone who too is alone and extend him your companion .....and see you too will find out a companion for yourself in him. That's what i feel....

Ohhhh sweetie, i have concentrated all my energy and resources into my career. I found out that if i leave the gurad down, i would end up into a mental institution faster that i can pronounce it. When i quit my job and all i could hear around me was: YOU ARE NOT GOOD FOR ANYTHING, i had two choices. To get up and proove that they are wrong, or to let myself go and not end up a happy case. Well, i am not proud to say that first i wanted to commit suicidal and i thank God a highway patrol man was around, because he woke me up from that shock more than anybody else could do it. In the end, i decided to give myself another chance. That is when i knew i am good at what i am doing and my proffesional life saved my entire life!!! My friend, Connie, she is not working and every day stays home...not doing anything but house stuff. She doesn't have the confidence that she could do anything else, so she fell into drinking..now she is back into this mental institution where she can't get any visitors.
Talking about anger: i am not angry AT ALL. I learned how to control myself and i get relief from crying, but Connie..ahhh how i wish i could change this!!!

Can't we become capable of facing these situations head on if we draw together all our strengths? I think we can.

Florina my heart goes out to you and your friend. I do understand what you are saying. I have also been there - twice. When I was 17 and just recently at 52.

From my point of view, Depression is one of the most misunderstand diseases of all. Everyone thinks they have been depressed at one time or other, when in fact they have been unhappy only.

Kind hearted people do more damage then good when they say things like "think happy thoughts" "remember the good times" , etc. If it was that easy, Depression would not be as prevalent in our society as is it. None of us want to be unhappy, none of us wants to keep on hurting. If we could control it, we would!

When I was depressed and people would say "stop thinking of only yourself" "stop the self pity" "Be Happy!" it only made me feel worse about myself. I felt misunderstood, more unhappy and, therefore, more depressed. I tried to commit suicide - 3 times. I was 17.

It's hard to make someone who hasn't been depressed understand what it is like. It's hard to make them understand why you might choose to end your life. For me it was the PAIN. All I saw in my life was hurt and all I could feel was pain. I wasn't thinking of those I would leave behind, because in truth I thought they would be better off without me cluttering up their lives. I was thinking that my pain would finally end!

Your friend is in the right place. I hope it works for her. I choose not to use drugs. I chose talk - I enrolled myself in therapy and I wore my friends here out talking about my hurts. Everyone was wonderful. I appreciate them all so much. I opened up to them, as I could not to the people in my real life. They were patient, kind and understanding. What they did for me was invaluable! I needed to deal with the issues that were causing my depression, not mask them. They listened and allowed me to talk everything out. I'm doing so much better now!

God bless all of you who were here for me and helped me through this latest terrible bout of depression.

I say this often - and I mean it from my heart - I love you all!

Hugs

It is very hard to explain someone why we feel the way we do and really, it is not easy to tell them everything..if you know what i mean. It is always that gram of secret that we keep to ourselves and in the end, i think this is what hurts the most. I can't help my friend right now, but i remember our talks and she said...Flo, so you are living same depression i do...I answered to her :NO, I AM LIVING MY OWN DEPRESSION. They can be confused, symptoms can be different, but in the end, we both came to the conclusion, that people around us(other friends) don't understand how we feel. I hope she will be back home soon, coz i can't stop thinking about her and really, even the news about her, got me back on my knees. Now, i have to find the power to get up again..and i will, i know so.
Mrs Dawn, thank you for everything you are doing for me...sometimes, we talked for hours and i remember our conversations. Ohhhh, and something else..i will never forget, the way we met...AGAIN!:) Thank you for everything!:)

I know exactly what you mean, Florina, about not telling everything. It's difficult to let go of our inner most feelings. I think it might be because we have issues with trust, but I'm not really sure. I do know that no one could understand the things that hurt me most. For instance, when my son died people would say "it was for the best". How could my son's death be for the best? Who was it best for? My son who would never have the chance to grow up? Me, who would never get to hold him in my arms and rock him to sleep? I stopped talking to people because they just didn't understand and their "kind heartedness" hurt as much as losing my son.

We each have our own "demons" and no two are exactly alike so it is difficult to understand what each of is going through. For instance when my son died, I'd already had 3 miscarriages. Someone else in my circumstance might already have 3 kids at home. For each of us, as devastating as the situation was, our reactions would be different. The other women would get to go home to the healing hugs of her 3 children. I got to home with my thoughts to a house that was empty most of the time because my husband travelled and worked all the time.

I try so hard not to judge other people Florina, because I realize that we all have some "demon" that drive us. Sometimes I get hurt because I trust the wrong people. I don't know what the answer for that is either. Lock myself into a "room" and not let anyone in? I did for that years, now I'm out "there" taking chances. I've met some real jerks in the last few years but I've met some really wonderful people too. Real people - like you.

As for your friend, I believe she is where she is because she needed to escape her day to day existence. She needed a rest from the stress of being so unhappy. As harsh as this is, you need to know that she is better off where she is than drunk, on drugs or dead. You need to remember that you are not exactly like her. You are a strong woman. Things may get you down but you are not a quitter, at least not for long. You WILL get back up on your feet. You've done it before and you will do it again. If for no other reason, so that when your friend goes home, you can be strong for her.

I will never forget the way we meet either, Florina. You and I may get knocked to our knees, but we are both survivors. Keep fighting. Take it from me, it's when you stop fighting the demons, that they carry you away.

Hugs

Ohhh God, i am not a mother to know how you are feeling, even today, after so many years, but i am looking at my grandmother who lost her daughter(my mom) and she is telling me: THERE IS NOTHING WORST THAN FOR A PARENT TO LOOSE HER/HIS CHILD. Can we combat that? Can i argue that? Can i dare to say anything in front of that? NO WAY!!!!! I wanted children and i still want them, but God has a plan for me, and i am still waiting to see what His plan is, but after every experience that i had, i come to think: HAVING A BABY WOULD HAVE MADE ME FIGHT MORE AND BE STRONGER, not for me, but for the baby. No, there is no "for the best" in this situation and someone who didn't loose a baby, doesn't really understand your feelings. I was there too and i am still not over it. I just know that one day i will have a child whom i am working for now and try to create a better future for.

To judge people...how can i? I am a sinner myself and i have to live with that every day. First, before i talk about someone else, i look at myself and what i have done..then, i realize, all people are doing what is best for them at the moment. It is human nature and all people are selfish to some degree. If for me would be best right now to get up and leave this situation, i know i would loose and later i would have to put more effort and more struggle to move on. But, i agreed to this situation for a long time, a few months would not make a difference...(i will explain to you in messanger what i mean:)).

Connie was telling me a while back: FLORINA, I HAVE NEVER MET A 28 YRS OLD SO MATURE, LIKE YOU ARE AND THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH YOU MAKES ME FEEL SO SAFE AND COMFORTABLE. I DON'T HAVE THIS WITH MY OWN DAUGHTER!!!! My heart broke into millions of pieces, because i never had this relationship with my own mother either, but i guess we connect to people who we least expect and in the least expected places. Now, i realize, she trusted me to be near her when she needs me most...and i failed to do so. Am i selfhish? YES, I AM. I did the mistake not to get her out of the house and not to visit her as often as possible. Between many other mistakes...and now, i look at this and think: I COULD BE IN HER SITUATION IN A FEW YEARS DOWN THE ROAD!

Strong, me? ...i don't know, but i learned that i have to separate private life from proffesional life and keep them separate, because if one interfereas with the other, i may loose control of everything. This is my secret and so far, it worked for me. I go to work often crying and when i get there i think to myself...JEEZ, I DROVE FOR AN HOUR AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED ON THE ROAD..., but when i get to work, i leave my "baggage" in the car and deal with it later. Some people at work don't know anything about me and some don't even know what car i am driving..they call me THE MISTERIOUS LADY:)))). Is it my fault that i don't open up to people whom i worked with for over an year? Partially, yes, but this is, like you said, BECAUSE OF LACKING TRUST IN PEOPLE.:)

I hope that one day when, the time is right, you have a child. You will make a wonderful mother. I was 29 when Steph was born and I think I was a much different mom at 29, then I would have been at 23. I think was wiser, more patient and better at parenting than I would have been earlier in my life. Perhaps that was God's plan? Perhaps His plans for me were directly related to His plans for Stephanie? Steph is wonderful and I know she is going to make a difference in this world! She already has in so many ways and she is just 22.

(I think I understand what you are saying but I look forward to you message to confirm and clarify it )

Florina, Sweetie, I know you are upset and concerned about your friend but you need to realize that what happened to Connie is not your fault. I doubt very much that she is blaming you for what happened to her. Her respect for you shows in the words you typed. You HAVE made a difference in her life and she DOES know that you care. She also knows that you study, work, have a husband and have problems of your own. I'm sure she understands that had she phoned you, you would have been there for her. As for you being in her situation down the road, I suppose it's possible. From my point of view I find it highly unlikely. You are much stronger than you think. You are a survivor and a fighter. I knew that from our first conversation. You might get knocked to your knees, but something inside you will always bring you to your feet!

You sound so much like me, Florina. The tears, trying to keep different parts of your life separated from each other, time passing and wondering where it went to. It's scary. It's a struggle. We go on, because we don't have any choice. Neither one of us WANTS to give in and that's why we are strong enough to always get back on our feet. I'm so emotional right now thinking of your struggles. I know how it feels and how lonely that feeling is. I wish I could help you so you would never have to cry those tears again. We both know I can't. It has to come from inside you. I'm here anytime you want "to talk out loud" and be heard. I won't judge. I won't offer advice unless you ask for it. I will listen. I will respect your feelings and I will know that your struggles are real.

With hugs and love,

Dawn

Flo & Dawn: If you promise not to mistake me as marketing for an Indian product may I recommend to Flo's friend or just anybody, for that matter, Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living course which is run in USA as well? It's not a very expensive deal but it's worth a million times more the price you all are paying to get rid of this dreadful disorder called -depression.

I wouldn't say more than that Seeing is believing! And I am recommending this because I feel pained when I hear the amount of pressures this is exerting on you guys.

Thank you PG, I'm checking it out now. Hugs

I just checked it ...entry to a seminar is available at as low as $25, if one prefers so and doesn't want to take a higher risk.

Did you notice if it is available in Canada as well? I was at the page and it froze. I'm going to try it again

When I try to access the Canada page I get this message - "The system cannot find the file specified". I'm not sure what that means? Maybe the course is no longer avaiable in Canada?

I tried and got the same message. You might be correct. Still it would be worth an effort if you got to reach a nearby city in US or got yourself a book. Alternatively a note can be sent to their admin to update you when a course/seminar is being organized in your city.

I'll send you a mail today regarding this. I have done a small basic course myself and you can already feel the aura around me ...LOL!

Not the least, traveling to India -the land of mystique, will be the best idea where you all will get an ever welcoming host in me.

I like that last idea of your's! but, alas, I'll wait on your email..... :)

RIGHT AWAY ...
Then think about my last idea ...LOL.

YES SIR!! LOL

My dear friends...about 3 months ago i lost a dear and close friend of mine due to deression and tonight, i come to tell you..about the death of another good friend of mine, same reason of death...both cases: suicidal. Both of them very young: Gabriel was 31 yrs old, Cristian was 29 yrs old. I will look deep into myself before anything else and say: MAY GOD REST THIER SOUL!!! I HOPE THAT NOW, THEY FOUND THEIR PEACE! :((((

Oh, Florina, I'm so sorry. I was thinking about you as I came online this morning - about you, myself and unhappiness vs clinical depression.

As unhappy as I was in the last 5 years, as much as I cried every single day for hours at time, I was only "clinically depressed" for just a short time. I'm not taking my word for it. I always said I wasn't depressed that I was sad and unhappy, because I knew what true depression was from when I was 17. My therapist confirmed this. Only once since I started sessions with him two years ago, did he say I exhibited signs of "clinical depression". That was this past Easter. I declined his offer of medication because I knew I was stronger than that and I pulled myself out of it. I used thoughts of my beautiful daughter.

You must now find the strength within you to prevent yourself from sinking into clinical depression. It's a bad place to be. If you start not wanting to talk to people, not wanting to leave the house, if the crying stops but the hurt increases, if you start "living inside your head" or if the pain is so bad that you don't think you can take it any more, please go to someone qualified and seek help. Don't even consider fighting it alone. Don't wait until you are too far "over the edge". There is no shame in seeking help or in wanting to live. Do it for YOU. Find a reason, maybe your unborn child who deserves a chance at life, and use it as your lifeline. Hang on to it with all your might. Focus on it. Never let it leave your mind until you start functioning again.

Please know that I am always here for you. If not me, find someone close to you, someone who cares about you and open up to that person as hard as that might be. Keep the line of communication open - even if it is just here in this thread.

My heart goes out to you Florina. I can only imagine the hurt you are feeling at this time. It seems to me that you might be able to turn these tragedies into something good. You might learn from these suicides, your bouts of depression and use what you learn to help other people.
You are a strong person Florina, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Being strong doesn't mean not showing signs of weakness at times like these. It means being a Phoenix - rising out of the ashes to become better than before. I know you can do it but YOU have to believe it too.

Hugs

A few motnhs ago i would have answered you YES too all the symptoms you have mentioned. I came back from Europe and i was staying in the house day and night, not doing anything but crying and doing a few light house things. I was tired from all points of view until one day when my boss called me. Almost two months later..and tells me: i have the job still available for you, i want you back with us. So, i got up and and looked in the mirror to a person whom i couldn't recognize any more. I went back to work the next day...and it felt so much better. In may i lost a good succesful lawyer friend of mine-depression and drugs. In june another friend of mine-depression and drugs. And yesterday another one--depression. I have so many friends fighting this crap and really i don't know how to help thep them get out. I wish i could fight with them and all of us get out happy and new from all of this, but i can't change much about how they feel. I know HOW I FEEL, but i don't know if it is the same for them. Confusing feelings is not good and i tend to be a little selfish and not tell them about my problems, because in the spot they are right now, they don't need more pain ..Life goes on and i know that life is like war: many of us make it home, some make it hurt and with pain and others don't make it at all. I guess war has a good part too: it makes us stronger, when we are done fighting.:(

Florina, you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. If you ever need to talk, message me. I can't do much except listen, but sometimes even knowing you have friends that care makes a hugh difference. You have so many friends Florina. We may not understand everything you are feeling and going through, but we love you and care about what happens to you. You are not completely alone. Hugs

Mrs Dawn, it is very true, i have so many, many close friends and i want to thank every one of you for being here for me. I know it is not easy to put up with me sometimes and i can be a pain in the butt:), but so far, i am ok. When my legs will be weak and fall, i will definetly come to all of you to help me get up. I wake up in the middle of the night and cry for a while and this is my little way to let it out. It works ok and besides the fact that next day i am so tired that i can't see the road and i am a little sad, there is nothing else to worry about. I couldn't cry for over an year after my mom passed away and now, that i can do it again, i am releived:). To me, is a way to wash away my pain:)

Florina, you are correct. It is much better to be able to cry than not. Crying is a wonderful stress reliever.

Goodnight.

Hugs

It can be self created or it can actually be chemical. The self created is harder because there is no medicine. You actually have to move off center and make changes and that is very hard for many people. I always submit that the definition of insanity works well in this scenario.

"Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

Chemical depression is about inbalances in the body and can be addressed by a doctor. Either way its no fun as I have had friends who have gone there....some never came back.

PG I have tears in my eyes. I just finished replying to Florina's post about depression. So many emotions overwhelmed me as I recalled my struggles. The strongest one, is the appreciation and happiness I feel for my friends who stood beside me, took me in and accepted me with all my faults. They "held" me in their arms when I needed to be comforted, they gave me their ears when I needed someone to listen to me, they validated my hurts by believing in me. The gave me hope and they gave me something to live for - myself.

So yes, PG if we stand together, understand each other and feel each other's hurts without judgement, we can help each other and pull each other out of the clutches of this terrible disease.

wowww....This is wonderful...This very moment i am extending my hand towards you all ...i promise to be together with you all i am here for you allllllll
Lopa

Good morning Lopa. Thank you. I'm sure you will make a difference. Hugs

Yes, staying together and being together is very important, but sometimes, we realize that the others around us have their problems also and the tamptation is to stay away from ecveryone, not to get closer...in fact, this desease reacts in different ways to different people.

Yes, depression affects everyone differently, Florina. Sometimes we just want to be alone to deal with it ourselves (I did that for many years) but when I was ready to start talking, people were there for me. Not all. Some are dealing with their own problems and couldn't handle anyone else's. That's more than fair. Sometimes we need to take care of ourselves first. There is no shame in that, Florina. We do what need to do to survive.

I don't suggest that anyone try to force a depressed person to open up. I suggest that you wait quietly by their side, let them know that you are there for them and hug them occassionally to remind them that you ARE there but when the walls start to crumble and the words come pouring out, It's important that someone is there to listen and to care. Often you don't need to say anything. Just knowing that someone is there and CARES means so much.

My dear Florina, it hurts knowing you like that... you must not control your anger, you must not be angry in the first place! you should always know that things are the way they are for a certain reason... Most of the times, we forget this important aspect, or we just can't see the reason, but we MUST BE AWARE THAT REASON EXISTS. Don't cry, please, I know this is easier to say than to do, but remember, you are a hundred times luckier than so many people on this planet! Don't throw this away.. and perhaps it is not even luck, but something you yourself accomplished until now, it is your duty to take it further and see what life holds in for you, because it is much more waiting for you out there, be sure of that. You are a strong woman, you do what you have to do, and be confident in yourself! kisses
Si mie mi-e dor de tine, ma gandesc la tine, o sa fie bine, fii sigura de asta .. Pup

The fact that i AM A HAPPY CASE, is the only thing that makes me get up and try again. I was talking to PG a few days ago and this is what he told me also:). I know that if i let myself go, i could become a less fortunate case:accidents, drugs, alchool,etc. It is so easy to fall in the other side.right now, getting back to balance is very important. ( Nu mai stiu nimic de tine si nu mi-ai mai scris. Am vrut sa stau de-o parte ca sa nu mai creez probleme in relatia ta...stiu ca le ai si tu pe ale tale..) Pupici:)

I know you will find your balance.. this is what we're all looking for actually... it is a very sensitive line, but it is important to walk on that line, or very close to it.. :) (Stai linistita, nu ne creezi probleme, draga mea, nu am mai scris ca am fost foarte agitata si eu cu Dani, nu stiu inca ce o sa fac...) Te pup si te imbratisez tare tare de tot :)

I posted it on your hp and I am posting it here again.
Wish we could make it our life mantra...

Being stronger comes with life actions...i am praying God for stronger heart every day..not just for me, but for everyone i know. :) Thank you sweetie:)

Before you tend to ask God for something ...try to learn asking from yourself. When you have God's given powers within why bother Him for smaller things?