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Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

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Updated by Fleur Ionne at 05/14/2008 13:28


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Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/3/2008 7:41 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

"If you would like to be my friend, press one. Your friendship is very important to us, please hold. All our friendship operators are currently busy assisting pending friendships, please stay on the line, a friendship representative will be with you shortly. If this an emergency friendship request, please press 2. Our hours of friendship are between 7am and 5pm eastern time, Monday through Friday. Weekend friendship hours are between 9am and 1pm."

Internet is a very silly place specially when it comes to relationship, it reduces everyone's mentality to four-year-olds when it comes to friendship. In the real world, make a list of all your friends past, present, and ask yourself, "did I or they ever ask the question, Can I be your friend?"

When was the last time, you're on the check out line, at whatever store, and ask the person in front of you based on what's in their shopping carts or the way they dressed, "Can I be your friend?" When was the last time you're in the restaurant eating, notice someone else eating the same thing or dressed up pretty and sit down with them and said, "Can I be your friend?"

A request for friendship is absurd to start with. People naturally migrate together and do not ask to be considered a friend. The laws of human nature decide who you like and who you don't like. Likewise I would never consider in real life going up to someone and telling them, I'm not gonna be your friend. Real friendship is best left to the blind. How do blind people find friends online? It can't be based on photos of appearance, photos of "what I got", its based on having common interest and enjoying time conversing with the person. In the real life is done exactly the same way.

I enjoy being online, I enjoy conversing with some people, while some people I do not enjoy conversing to. I don't hand out the title "friend" to just anyone, also I don't walk around telling every guy I meet, "I love you" and seeing which ones stop and talk to me. That would be kinda creepy, wouldn't it? The internet demeans people by having to beg for friendships, hurting other people by denying friendships and creating a place where creeps expand their territory. If I was at the bar and someone walk up to me and hitting on me and telling me everything I wanted to hear, it might make me feel special until the waitress tells me he's a regular and tells the same thing to anyone that walks into the bar. Even though he was cute, kinda makes creep, wouldn't it? The next week I come into the bar, and bring my friend, and he's using the same line on her that he used on me. Doesn't make me feel special.

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Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/3/2008 10:38 PM

rosey, 40

Sweden

hello there i agree there are a lot people out there that can chat in public and make friends but its easer on line if you are shy they can say what they like

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/3/2008 10:48 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

True but too much confidence is considered arrogance. No one like arrogant people.

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Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wa

5/6/2008 1:34 AM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I'm not altogether sure that a person with confidence is arrogant. To have confidence in yourself is a wonderful thing. If you are confident in your ability, you are more open to new ideas and willing to change your mind if presented with evidence contrary to your beliefs. To me arrogance is a person who thinks he knows everything and believes that everything he does is the only right way of doing things. He is never willing to learn from others and insists that "my way is the only way".

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would

5/7/2008 2:04 AM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

I wave to strangers from my car everyday, that's fine, but I don't invite strangers in my house. As far as your comments, confidence is fine but loosen a 13-year old with a pocket full of condoms doesn't make him a man. Too many creeps, too many young kids learning to be creeps. Too many old creeps given a new toy(computer) to expand their creepiness. There is nothing wrong with being objective on having an open-mind as long as its politely done. Common courtesy in life should also extend to the net. Some guy I see on the street walks up to me and wants me to send him a naked picture of myself, I might be offended. Isn't it the same if someone does it online? Isn't it offensive for a person to say "I know you're married, I just want a girlfriend?" I have no problem discussing philosophy, religion, family values, environmental concerns. But I choose not to discuss my bra size or whether I sleep nude.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why wo

5/7/2008 1:01 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I'm so lost Ionne. I have no idea what your response has to be with what I replied? Maybe I'm having a "slow" morning? I honestly am missing your point. What does waving to strangers, a 13 year old with condoms, and old creeps with computers have to do with having confidence?

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, wh

5/7/2008 10:45 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

There are 2 types of confidence.

There's the "one of hope and encouragement" where a person would say, "If we all work together as a team, we can make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren. Someone saying "we can change the future and here's my plan, I fully support anyone's hopes and dreams that aspire to do something that benefits mankind. I fully support self-esteem and confidence that they can become whomever they choose to become.

Then there's the second type of confidence which is a mutated version where people see themselves as correct in doing whatever they feel like without regard for the rest of humanity. Everything you describe about how you view an arrogant person to be, I agree. Confidence used correctly is a great tool.. But with any tool comes responsibility. Any tool used incorrectly is a problem. A car can take you to a store or church at a speed limit or a car can be carrying irresponsible youths under the influence driving recklessly at high speeds. The car much like the confidence is not the problem. The problem is how its being used.

Unfortunately, not all people on the net are what I would consider to be matured. If I was going to a site, that said "enter here all singles or married persons wanting to be hit on and talk dirty too, click enter." If I press the enter key, I know what to expect and can't complain about what is said to me there. But I don't go to those sites also I get telemarketing calls all the time. I expect salesman to try to sell me something, but I have yet to get a call from a sex shop or a phone sex service, trying to get me to do something or buy something. Even these places have better manners than many people who are confident hitting on me and my friends online.

I am confident about myself to a point but I always listen and stay objective when listening to another views. The only way to learn is to listen and filter out the facts. I respect other's views that are different from my own. Many times, I have changed my opinion on a subject when given information that previously I was unaware of. Definition of "stupid" is a person who doesn't believe facts. Definition of an "ignorant" person is a person who doesn't have all the facts. Definition of a "smart" person is a person who realizes he is ignorant and constantly trying to learn more. I consider myself a smart person. I accept my ignorance of many things and constantly trying to learn.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again

5/8/2008 1:44 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

The incidents you mention, to my way of thinking do not qualify as confidence, although I do understand what you are saying. These things fall under the umbrella of lack of respect, selfisness, rudeness, intent to do harm, etc. Confidence is a feeling, not an action. To have confidence only means that you trust yourself to make good decisions including the decision is to be open to new ideas. The fact that you listen objectively to varying points of view is a perfect example of having confidence. If someone always has to be right I view that more as one of two things - arrogance or insecurity.

It is a fact of life that being on the internet exposes us to people of varying intent. The only way to completely avoid getting "hit on" is not to join social sites. If we want to interact with others online, it is a risk we take. Just as going shopping, or to a bank, or driving in our cars is a potential threat to our safety. Our lives are filled with daily risks of one type or other. As for sex shops and sex phone services not soliciting your business, I would think that has more to do with laws than with good manners.

Main Entry: 1con·fi·dence
Pronunciation: \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\
Function: noun as confidence.

Date: 14th century
1 a: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances (had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed) (met the risk with brash confidence) b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way (have confidence in a leader)
2: the quality or state of being certain : certitude (they had every confidence of success)
3 a: a relation of trust or intimacy (took his friend into his confidence) b: reliance on another's discretion (their story was told in strictest confidence) c: support especially in a legislative body (vote of confidence)
4: a communication made in confidence : secret (accused him of betraying a confidence)

synonyms confidence, assurance, self-possession, aplomb mean a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment. confidence stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance (the confidence that comes from long experience). assurance carries a stronger implication of certainty and may suggest arrogance or lack of objectivity in assessing one's own powers (handled the cross-examination with complete assurance). self-possession implies an ease or coolness under stress that reflects perfect self-control and command of one's powers (answered the insolent question with complete self-possession). aplomb implies a manifest self-possession in trying or challenging situations (handled the reporters with great aplomb).

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/6/2008 1:26 AM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Hi Rosey. I agree that it is easier to say things online that one would not do in "real". Not all my online experiences have been great but they haven't all been bad either. Being online and entering into chats and debates has helped me to learn to voice my opinions in "real" and had given me more confidence to do so then I had before. I've also met some very nice people online.

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Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/6/2008 1:56 AM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I like this topic Ionne. Thank you for posting it. It's what I would refer to as "common sense". For some reason, when we get online we lose touch with reality. We do things we never do in our real life. I've always thought that being online is creating an interactive novel. We each get to be whoever we want to be.

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/7/2008 2:15 AM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

True within right reason. If you're being who you want to be, that's okay unless you're hurting others by your misrepresentation of yourself. There are guys pretending to be wealthy, handsome, pretending to be women, pretending to be sincere, married men pretending to be single, same thing on the women side. I've met people online who pretended to be something they're not, had people fall in love with that vision, then disappear. Its easy to start over online every week but if you have friends online and others that have spent their time learning to care for you, its very hurtful to disappear from their lives without ever giving them closure.

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Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wa

5/8/2008 1:51 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Ionne, I understand exactly what you are saying here. I've been hurt many times by "friends" who just up and disappear never saying goodbye and without explanation. It's very hurtful and has made me much more cautious about who I befriend online. It's not even the people you talk to everyday that one day you don't hear from any more, it's the ones who are your best friends. The ones you share your confidences with, the ones you took into your heart - those are the ones that hurt you most when they disappear from your life without a word.

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Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/6/2008 6:30 AM

Nada, 24
Saudi Arabia

I don't change my principles with my friends (whether online friends or not). I always demand respect from my friends and make sure I treat them the same. I have to admit though that I am actually more open with my online friends and I share with them a lot of things even more than my real life friends.
It is difficult to maintain friendship on the net but I still (thank God) have maintained friendship with some for more than 3 years.
A very nice topic , Fleur :)

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/6/2008 10:30 AM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Hi Nada. I agree with you that we must always treat our friends the same way regardless of it they are in our real lives or here online. I also find that I talk more about my personal life online than I do in my "real" life. That's what I was trying to say when I said that it's like writing a novel. There is something not quite real about being here. With the flick of switch we can leave what we say here until we desire to come back. It's not so easy to do that in our real lives. If we confide to a friend, family member or co-worker then "it" is out there and we can no longer hide from it. I talk about things here that no one in my real life has any idea about.

As for friends, my online friends are important to me. The ones who survive this surreal world and stay my friends, are the best! I love them all. I have friends that I meet in Yahoo when I first talking chatting online, 5 years ago that are still my friends today and we chat often. I find Zorpia harder for some reason to make real friends. People come and go here as if Zorpia had a revolving door but having said that, I have made a few friends here that I talk to outside of Zorpia. After having been hurt more than a few times by "friends" I've met here in Zorpia, I'm much more cautious about who I refer to as friends.

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Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wa

5/6/2008 12:23 PM

Nada, 24
Saudi Arabia

Hi Dawn :)
choosing friends is not an easy task because you at times set yourself to disappointment. Years ago I would call lots of people as friends....but now I've learned my lesson. Two things I depend on to feel comfortable saying that someone is my friend : first "Respect" and then "goodness of the heart".
As for the personal life ........It is weird but when I tell my real life friends something very personal...I feel bad! I do love them and trust them but I can't help it ..I feel bad , uneasy and try to forget that I did tell them. But with my online friends I feel more comfortable in sharing things about me that are too personal and I feel actually relieved.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would

5/6/2008 2:21 PM

Peyal, 43
Dhaka
Bangladesh

Hi Nada,
I agree with you. I would like to add one thing with you that to be friend you must be ready to share yourself as well as must respect the feelings of your partner (friend). Real Friendship is such relation which is a real asset to you

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why wo

5/6/2008 2:28 PM

Nada, 24
Saudi Arabia

Hi Peyal and well said :)

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, wh

5/6/2008 2:43 PM

Peyal, 43
Dhaka
Bangladesh

Thanks Nada

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, wh

5/6/2008 2:46 PM

Peyal, 43
Dhaka
Bangladesh

Thanks for you complement Nada

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why wo

5/12/2008 12:55 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Hi Peyal. Respect for each other is the most important aspect of a friendship. Without respect, there is not much left. Thank you for your comments.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would

5/12/2008 12:54 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I think I understand what you are saying Nada. I find that as well. I always regretted telling people in my real life anything. I constantly worried if they thought less of me if I confided my problems because mostly, if I have a problem it is because of something that someone else said or did and I felt like I was talking about that person. Here, online, it's different because no one here knows the person or persons who are giving grief to my life so it doesn't seem as bad. It DOES help to talk about my problems. I had never discussed any of the things I talk about here before. Now, since I've "gotten them out of my system" I hardly ever even think about them any more.

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Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/6/2008 4:26 PM

knowtain, 34
Worcester, Massachusetts
United States

I love the title! Of course you wouldn't want to be my friend, I can be a very demanding fellow! It is best to keep our long distance Internet buddies kept on the Internet. Long distance friendships are too expensive.

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/12/2008 12:59 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I actually made a friend here on the internet who I met real afterwards. We "hit it off" in real just like we did online. She stayed a few night here with me when she came to NB from NFLD to visit her daughter. We keep in touch and I hope to see her again when she visits her daughter this summer.

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Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/8/2008 9:16 AM

laila, 46
Denmark

Hi!
I´m new in here, but I´ve read the comments to this very exiting topic, and want to respond.
I think that it must be very lonesome to have a real life without real friends. If you cannot tell your friends your deep and secret thoughts, I do not think they are real friends?? is it even possible to have real friends just on-line? to me friendship is very presious, and I do not consider many people my friends.
On-line friends are a different kind of people as I see it. You can tell them things, they can respond or not.And yes, they can suddently dissapear and you can feel lost and do nothing about it.You can like a picture and chose them for the smile, but you do not know them. You can communicate with them and be lucky that it is not about wanting you for sex......but even if you find you have a good chemestry with them you do not know them. For me the body language and the silence you can have together is very imortant too, and this is not possible on the net, unless you chat with cam of course and I´ve not tried that ;-)
If people want to write with me,we can be friends on-line and I hope I can want them to be! ;-)

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/12/2008 1:10 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Hi laila. It's a pleasure to meet you. Welcome to "The New Dawn". Your comments are always welcome here.

Not having any close real friends, it's difficult for me to comment on true real friends. I think I always hold a part of me back because I am afraid of being disappointed or worse hurt. I have "friends" as in people I know and like but no one I would tell my deepest inner most thoughts to.

I always thought it would be wonderful to have a friend like that.

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5/12/2008 3:01 PM

laila, 46
Denmark

Thank you Dawn - its a pleasure to be here!
I´m sorry to hear that you do not have a true real friend.
I must be a very lucky person then! but endeed you do become vulnerable telling your most inner thoughts to another person.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would

5/12/2008 9:16 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

If you can trust that person to keep a confidence and not to pass judgement, then that must be the best feeling in the world! :)

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Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna be?

5/12/2008 3:35 AM

Nils, 41
Bangkok
Thailand

I think you would like to be!
Because I am ...me!

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Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would I wanna

5/12/2008 1:00 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Good answer Nils! Who wouldn't want to be YOUR friend?? You are wonderful and you've got a fantastic sense of humour! :)

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5/13/2008 3:18 AM

Nils, 41
Bangkok
Thailand

Ooooooh...thank you, Dawn!
But there are some people, who wouldn't!
I know!
...well...I guess they are just bad people!
;-)

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be your friend? Then again, why would

5/13/2008 12:02 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

Awww!!! I know exactly how you feel there, Nils. But here online, you can't really befriend to every single one. Online is like another world. A whole new world. In the real world, you can't expect everyone to like you, same goes here online. You can't expect everyone to know you. I used to mope around and wonder why only few people like being around me, but you know, I actually like the small crowd. I have better chance to get to know everyone and keep in touch with them. I have better chance to find best friend(s). I have a friend here online that I became very close with. We already know each other in person but we were not as close. She invited me to get on Zorpia, so I did. Since then, we talk everyday and became so close. To me, a "few friends" is better than a lot of friends that you may never know much or trust with.

Dawn, I am sorry for not being responsive to forums lately. I have projects to catch up and due on September. Thank you by the way for responding to everyone who replied to my topics. You may see me online but I'm not on it the whole time. I just like to see my friends here and check what they are up to, and you too. You are one of my friends now. I'm a stalkin' ya, girl! LOL!

Anyway, I do try to respond to some at nights before going to bed. I do most of my work at daytime. I try to catch up with my online thing at nights. LOL!

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5/14/2008 3:14 AM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Hi Ionne. Please don't worry about not being as responsive these days. As much as I miss talking to you, I understand about commitments. Zorpia is a break from our daily lives and not the other way around (I've been guilty in the past of having that wrong). I look forward to talking to you when you have some time to spend here.

I wish you good luck with your projects!

Hugs

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5/14/2008 3:20 AM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

Thank you. I'm still gonna be around at forums but mostly at nights though. I'll be seeing you every weekday or nights as usual. LOL! *hugs ya back*^^

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5/14/2008 11:59 AM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I spoke to Clinic and Lisa this morning. They were both asking about you. Lisa is hard at work. Clinic has been very sick for two weeks and is just starting to recover. They both said to say "hi" to you for them.

I'm usually here for just a few minutes in the morning and for awhile at night now. In a few weeks when we start going to the cottage I will have even less time (we don't have interet there). :( I look forward to talking to you at nights. Hugs :)

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5/14/2008 12:36 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

*stretches* Hiya, Dawn. Good morning. I left Lisa and Clinic comments to their pages just to let them know that I'd been thinking about them. Whew! Its so early in the morning, I didn't get much sleep last night, I am already working on projects so early. I have so little time to do them.

Clinic told me that she was sick, I'm glad she's getting better. I saw here online yesterday. I wish they'd get on the forums too and chat with me here. I miss talking to them. Or maybe we can start another forum just for chatting keeping in touch with friends. LOL! I just can't keep up chatting in messenger since I am on and off the net. My messenger is temporarily fixed but I hardly get on it. I will though as soon as I get caught up with things here. Can you tell them I said Hi? I miss them. I will leave them comments to their pages in a little while. And oh, send them my hugs too.

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5/14/2008 12:50 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

Clinic hopes to sign in here after she rests for awhile. Perhaps the two of you will catch up with each other later. I actually had the same the thought yesterday about a "girls group". Aplace for us to talk and leave messaes to each other. I have a group I set up ages ago and didn't do anything with. It's private. I'll invite you, Lisa and Clinic and we can see if it works :)

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5/14/2008 12:54 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

Yeah, let's do that! We could go on forever just talking there. LOL! C'mon let's do it!

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5/14/2008 12:58 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I invited you and Clinic but I can't find Lisa to invite her?? The invitation should be in your mail box. If you see Clinic online. could you explain it to her? I don;t have time to adjust the page before work. She'll think I'm inviting her to a "tell a story" group :))

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can I be you

5/14/2008 1:04 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States

Hahaha!! Silly. I can't see my messages on my hotmail. My zorpia notifications are sent there since I can't use my old email. The site might be down. Is there anyway I can get the notification through here?

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5/14/2008 1:10 PM

Dawn, 52

New Brunswick
Canada

I'll make the group visible on my homepage and you can request to join from there. Let's try that?

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5/14/2008 1:14 PM

Fleur Ionne, 31
Kentucky
United States