JOKES

Ferrari Formula 1 racing team recently fired their whole pit crew to employ a few young guys from the Soweto township in South Africa. This sudden reaction was due to a TV documentary showing how young Sowetans could take a car's wheels off within 6 seconds, without any fancy equipment.
Ferrari soon regretted their decision, however, as the young men not only changed the wheels within 6 seconds, but 12 seconds later the car had been re-sprayed and sold to the McLaren team. Still eager to compete in the race and, since Ferrari no longer had a Formula 1 car to race with, they decided to race a Sowetan minibus taxi, complete with an experienced (yet unlicensed) driver and Fare collector, in the Grand Prix. Of course they easily won the race, since the minibus weaved its way through the start grid, set off before the lights changed and didn't bother to change the tyres when they wore out. It also took all corners at maximum speed, as the brakes were non-existent. On the way to victory, the new Ama-Ferrari-Ferrari team also managed to hijack several competitors' cars, and picked up 35 passengers at some notoriously dangerous spots, including blind rises, as well as in the chicane.
We can be proud of another South African sporting achievement which will put us at the forefront of sporting history.
Well done boys!!!

Mugabe dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St.Peter tells him that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven. Mugabe must go to hell. So Mugabe goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.
Then Mugabe notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says "No problem, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."
When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do.
Finally one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My Lord, look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

This true story happened in Soweto about a month ago. A man was hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The storm was so strong that he could hardly see his feet in front ofhim. Suddenly a car stopped next to him. Without thinking, he got in and closed the door, just to realise thatthere was nobody behind the steering wheel. The car moved off slowly. He looked ahead and saw a curve in the road.Scared, he started praying, begging for his life. He was terrified. Just before hitting the curve inthe road a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel. The man, now paralyzed with fear, watched how the hand kept appearingevery time they got to a curve. Gathering all his courage, he jumped out and ran to the nearest lightshe could see. Wet and in shock, he went into a shebeen and asked for a double brandy. After drinking it, he told everyone of the horrible experience he justhad. Everyone was silent when they realised he was crying. About half an hour later, two men came walking into the shebeen and, onseeing the terrified man, the one said to the other, "Mfowetu, isn't that the idiot that got into the carwhile we were pushing it?"

Mugabe dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him> that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven.> > Mugabe must go to hell. So Mugabe goes to hell where Satan gives> him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Mugabe> notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says "No> problem, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."> > When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked> St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally> one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the> luggage.> > As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one> angel says to the other, "My Lord, look at that! Mugabe has been in> hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!">

YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:


You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume".

You call a traffic light a "robot".

You call an elevator a "lift"

You call a hood a "bonnet"

You call a trunk a "boot"

You call a pickup truck a "bakkie"

You call a Barbeque a "Braai"

The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.

You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.

You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.

You know that there's nothing to do in the Orange Free State .

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

When you are a victim of crime and say: "At least I'm still alive".

You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.

You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.

You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee

To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation.

"Now now" or "just now" can mean anything from a minute to a month.

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.

Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.

You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.

A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.

You paint your car's registration on the roof.

You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

Prisoners go on strike.

You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.

You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.

Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.

You consider a high crime rate as normal.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA.
VIVA RSA!! VIVA!!!!!